If “urban-dancer” George Sampson is the most talented person in the whole of Britain, I’m fucking emigrating.
I hate “Britain’s Got Talent” more than anything else in the world. Piers Morgan’s a slimey, patronising twat, Amanda Holden a vacuous, hysterical, insincere, attention-seeking bint, with too many teeth for her mouth; and Simon Cowell, well, he used to be alright, but now he’s turned into an over-dramatic fucking caraceture of himself, spouting incessant cliches and constantly starting ’spontaneous’ feuds with the other judges. The whole thing’s so Americanized and gaudy, it makes me want to throw up. It’s filmed in that awful, soap-opera style, with slow motion, excessive crowd shots and emotive music, that discards any shred of reality in exchange for drama.
As long as you’re cute, and a child you’ll go far; in fact I’m sure you could just walk out and vomit in Piers’s face, edit it with a bit of Snow Patrol in the background, hysterical cheering from the crowd, a disabled parent, fucking Holden weeping, and Britain’d be yours.
Old people and mentals however get a raw deal. They’re just booed, embarrassed and patronised. It wouldn’t surprise me if they fitted a trapdoor to the stage, unsucsessful audition-ees plunging into a big bucket of shit or something. That’d be proper entertainment.
