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I’ve come to the conclusion that Noel is a sadist, and secretly likes ruining people’s lives by revealing they’ve made a shit deal. I’ve also decided that there’s no point letting old people play, cause they’ll probably just spend their winnings on something boring like a limb replacement, or animal charity.
If “urban-dancer” George Sampson is the most talented person in the whole of Britain, I’m fucking emigrating.
I hate “Britain’s Got Talent” more than anything else in the world. Piers Morgan’s a slimey, patronising twat, Amanda Holden a vacuous, hysterical, insincere, attention-seeking bint, with too many teeth for her mouth; and Simon Cowell, well, he used to be alright, but now he’s turned into an over-dramatic fucking caraceture of himself, spouting incessant cliches and constantly starting ’spontaneous’ feuds with the other judges. The whole thing’s so Americanized and gaudy, it makes me want to throw up. It’s filmed in that awful, soap-opera style, with slow motion, excessive crowd shots and emotive music, that discards any shred of reality in exchange for drama.
As long as you’re cute, and a child you’ll go far; in fact I’m sure you could just walk out and vomit in Piers’s face, edit it with a bit of Snow Patrol in the background, hysterical cheering from the crowd, a disabled parent, fucking Holden weeping, and Britain’d be yours.
Old people and mentals however get a raw deal. They’re just booed, embarrassed and patronised. It wouldn’t surprise me if they fitted a trapdoor to the stage, unsucsessful audition-ees plunging into a big bucket of shit or something. That’d be proper entertainment.
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This is gonna be one of those long, pretentious, self-absorbed entries. Just like the others I suppose.
I’m on a break from YouTube. Not because its ‘too-stressful’ or because I’ve got ‘personal problems’; as are the common claims to absence on YouTube; I just haven’t been bothered. Months will fly by with YouTube being an exciting, exhilarating, major influence in my life; all thoughts video ideas; my life dictated by copyright. But then, ultimately, as with most over things in my life, I’ll go through periods of total apathy towards my ‘internet-life’, becoming entirely despondent to practices that once thrilled me. I’m in one of these ‘troughs’ right now.
YouTube is total self-absorption, and I, personally, easily get bogged down by this. It’s important just to take a step back from time-to-time. Ground-myself. I’m not famous. Even the biggest YouTubers aren’t famous, and it’s the definite hierarchy on YouTube, amplified by ego and pretentiousness, that infuriates me. People thinking what they’ve done on YouTube is exceptional, but wearing that grin of insincere modesty, “You can be like me too!”, and although this blog is entireley self-centered, that irritates the fuck out of me.
It’s a website, and however big a part it plays in peoples lives, and however much people deny it; it is separate to reality. Most people wouldn’t have a clue who Smosh or LisaNova are, or even what a vlog is; which is why I think its important not to get wrapped up in YouTube, and to take a step back.
YouTube ‘fame’ therefore, stands for very little, people, me included at one point, think that if they’re big on YouTube they’ll have media jobs thrown at them; when thats not the case. The Media see YouTube as a novelty, something they dont really understand, but still something they want to compete with. Upstaged is a prime example. The BBC saw YouTube and its success, and thought they could match that by engineering they’re own community on their own website. However what they failed to realise is the obvious, that, the majority of people who use YouTube are vloggers, and vlogging as a medium doesn’t work on a stage for 6 hours. Don’t get me wrong, I thought YouStage did well, and any contention regarding fairness and talent, was entirely the fault of the BBC, but it shows that YouTube is only YouTube when its on YouTube.
*sighs* Im having difficulty expressing myself here; I suppose what I want to say is, YouTube wont make you famous. It might help you, and it certainly helped me see my potential talents, but it wont get you a job alone. Which is where I come in; lately I’ve been hanging on for opportunities to arise from YouTube, opportunities that may or may never come. And I need to decide whether to step-back and get on with my life; or to dedicate myself 100% to getting a media job, whoring myself out to every production company I can find, de-moralisation and disappointment lurking round every corner.
However, what I need to do is just see YouTube for what it is, continue to do what I do, maybe start a bit of stand-up comedy and student radio, and see what happens…
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I hate “Random Videos”. The concept of “random” is impossible to fulfill in what’s almost certainly a preconceived video. People who think they’re “random” are more than likely socially inept.
On a superficial level its fine, but people who think they can insult you, or be openly obnoxious just ’cause they’re “random” are cunts.
Gossip is fervent on YouTube at the moment. LittleMissKit, a British YouTuber activeley involved within the community, commit suicide last week. She was 29.
The shock it’s created is understandable.As someone who didn’t know Anne, but someone who’s had experience of suicide within my close family; I don’t know how to feel. Her YouTube videos are irreverent and upbeat, showing no trace of angst or depression; a complete contrast to the weepy, self-pitying monologues you might expect, making her suicide all the more tragic.
No one knew.
No YouTuber, none I’ve spoke to anyway, had any idea how deeply unhappy this poor lady clearly was, or even the impact her death has caused in ‘real-life’.
Suicide is always tragic. Tragic because its self-imposed, tragic because it’s often preventable; tragic to contemplate so much suffering and loneliness. Watching a seemingly ‘normal’ persons videos, weeks before they take their own life is incredibly unsettling, it brings realism to an otherwise faceless suicide story, but more importantly, puts things into perspective, life into perspective, YouTube into perspective.
Im aware that the following is a stream of tired-clichés; but views, subscribers and ratings are meaningless. It’s easy to be famous on YouTube, there’s a whole host of talentless, pretentious ‘celebrities’, who haven’t achieved anything in real terms. What’s really worthwhile is achieving the opportunity to bond closely with people you’ve never met before, over, essentially, creativity. The fact that this tragedy has made such an impact, even to those who didn’t personally know Anne, is testament to the strength of the YouTube community.
It also reminds us that life is a passing, transient period, which is, inevitably, meaningless. We all die, some sooner than others, but the fact that we all die makes the amount of time we’re here irrelevant. So, therefore, you might as well enjoy yourself as much as possible, make as big an impact as possible. After all, there’s nothing else to do.
Right, so this is my first post from the MacBook Air. This things begs to be written on, like an over-enthusiastic child. “Come on! Please do a blog from me! It’ll be fun… you could do it from an airplane if you wanted, or the dark! Or anywhere where weight is restricted…Im just that light!”
Buying this, was the most expensive thing I’ve ever bought. It gave me quite a thrill typing in my PIN, the amount on the display showing £1,199, I can see quite easily how people get themselves head and shoulders into debt, if only for the thrill of making the transaction.
Taking it home on the train, I was convinced I was gonna get mugged. I presumed Apple would give me the box in a generic, non-descript, white bag; but they decided a very expensive-looking, matt-black, far from generic, MacBook Air plastered carrier would be more suitable. Me being not the most surly of guardians, a smash-and-grab would of been childs-play. http://Jimmy0010.files.wordpress.com/2008/03/p1010037.jpg
People criticize the fact that apple spend a lot of time designing the packaging their products come in, I think its genius. Unpacking my MacBook, it was more like the box of an expensive set of jewelry, or artisan bath-salts, if such things exist; giving the consumer, me, a sense of importance; generating a positive and exciting experience from the moment I peeled back the cellophane. Apple stack aesthetics and their quest to be unique, high on their list of important factors, and reflecting that in the packaging is a fantastic idea; why not portray the whole ethos of your company in the boxes you use?
When you buy a Dell computer, and I’ve bought several, the box it comes in is a brown, clumsy, uninteresting affair, with polytene and stryrofoam littering the room, as you unbox the equaly uninspired device inside; and although many will see the box something comes in as unimportant, I see at more as a taster of what you’re gonna get in the long run. With Apple you get a sleek, perfectly designed, aesthetically pleasing and minimalist container, reflecting the computer and OS itself. With say, a Dell, and I’m only using Dell because I’ve owned Dell, you get an over-packaged, clumsy, ugly thing, that only just about does the job, with components often missing or difficult to assemble; again reflecting the experiences you can expect from a Dell and Windows OS.
I defy anyone to ‘un-box’ an Apple computer, and not get a little bit excited.
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This blog was written orignally on the VLR site, which if you’ve never visited is www.vaguelyliveradio.podbean.com… Alcohol and VLR isn’t that great an idea, as I discovered to Alex’s amusement last night… I awoke this morning, aching and fuzzy eyed, trying desperately to distinguish between what I actually did last night, and what I merely dreamt… I’m pretty sure starring in ITV’s hit new show, ‘Dancing on Ice’ was a dream, but shouting nonsense in a drafty garage alone, at near midnight, unfortunately was not. I must have looked like a boozed-up mental. We normally record the show on a Wednesday afternoon, giving Alex Thursday to edit and upload it, but this week was special ’cause we had an Australian guest. Without spoiling the surprise too much, basically, Alex “made a boob”. It turned out, as could be predicted, the time difference caused unprecedented and quite unnecessary confusion, leaving me and Alex recording at 10.30 PM last night, guest-less. Rather than rescheduling, we hastily added another episode to the ’series’ (I love classing VLR as a series) and recorded regardless, with me getting surprisingly intoxicated throughout the process. The show went well from what I can remember; discussion splintering out into even more bizarre directions than usual, slurring my way through God and morality as well as sex with inanimate objects.Listening to it when its uploaded, will be as much a surprise to you as to me…. Oh, and don’t worry if you were looking forward to us having a guest, we’ll hopefully have it sorted by next episode; with the live one now being episode 13. Jimmy.
Explanation of last nights post. To the unsuspecting reader I can understand people thinking I was sat alone in a darkened room, weeping into a glass of Pinot Grigio, perhaps scribbling out the faces of old girlfriends, and pining them to a faded-wall, a bit like they do in trashy-horror films; but no. The reality is, I went out and got a little bit ‘tipsy’, inexplicably got home (the details are still a bit furry) became incredibly nostalgic, as you do, and decided to share it with the world. No ‘biggy’.
In other news, I apologize for not posting more regularly, (more regularly? that doesn’t sound right…) I’m working on a post, but to be honest the subject is of such confusion and contention at the moment, Im struggling to put it all in a blog.
I went to Birmingham today. Today’s Saturday, meaning it was incredibly busy, and full of vile people. Why do people walk twice as slow when its busy? Its Hell. Get out as quick as you can; don’t lengthen your time in there, meandering around like a bewildered tit. I hated it; in fact I was close to smothering myself in a cloths rack, but with all items at 70% off, I doubt anyone would of even noticed my lifeless corpse lying there; I’ve seen women throw their own babies at other women to get that last blouse in a sale… (blouse? It was the first garment that came to hand, and I’m sticking with it. I like it, It’s archaic and nostalgic - the sort of word my Nan’d use) and whats the point in a protest-death if no one notices you? Thats where self-immolation monks have got it right; the ones who burn themselves to death in protest. It might be a bit sore, but it certainly draws attention to yourself. Make sure you tell people what you’re protesting about though first…. I also sneezed on a woman’s head while on an escalator. That cheered me up.
The reason I was in birmigham, was to get a Mothers Day card etc. But I also went to buy a MacBook Air. Don’t tell me; “It’s underpowered; The battery’s all rubbish; It’s too expensive! You can get something far less attractive for only X amount…” Yes. I know. I just want one; It was out of stock anyway. I was sort of glad… I’ve made about three trips into Birmingham with the intention of buying the Air, each trip ending with me bottling-out and texting Alex/Nerimon with “Convince me I want a MacBook Air…”
Ah, well…
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This morning has been surreal. So surreal in fact, I need to write it down; and I have only 6 minutes to do so; So this ‘aint gonna’ be nothing fancy.
Today I got an e-mail. This e-mail to be precise -
Jimmy! Hello. Just dropping you a line to see if you’d be up to talk to the press about the User Partner Programme at any point.Well.. I say “at any point”, but in reality I mean THIS AFTERNOON. We have reporters lined up — all you’ll need to do is talk.Fancy it? If so, drop me a line pronto (preferably with a contact phone number) and I’ll feed your details to our PR team. Time is of the essence, sir! Jamie
It’s from Jamie, the editor of UK YouTube. I of course replied excitedly, proclaiming “yes!” and thoughtlessly throwing him all the contact details I have.
Within a few minutes I was chatting with ‘Ollie’ the PR guy of UK YT, then the Daily Mirror, then the BBC who I did a recorded webcam-chat with; then The Guardian and finally The Telgraph. So by this time tomorrow, my name will be in print all across the UK. My God. YouTube is a wonderful thing.
